Love and relationships: is it always a mystery?
Katrina’s heart deflates when the month of February rolls around. She hasn’t been in a serious romantic relationship for seven years. The breakup with Marcus still lingers in her mind. With mixed emotions Katrina recalls the moments when she fell in and out of love with him.
“Marcus was the first partner who taught me the value of respect and loyalty. My heart didn’t flip flop all over the place. I loved him because he was the steady voice to my emotional ups and downs. He didn’t judge me when anxiety put me over the edge for days.
After a few years, however, I craved something more. While Marcus seemed to thrive in the everyday pace of being together, I sensed the passion was shifting into friendship. Every time I thought about the relationship I wasn’t clear on what I wanted or who I was anymore. The stress of the confusion and lack of intimacy hit a breaking point.
Before the December holidays I ended the relationship with Marcus.
The holidays were rough without Marcus. To avoid being the subject of tasteless gossip, I spent time with family and a few close friends.
Over the years I have dated men but none have the spark I am searching for. If I stayed with Marcus we would have a baby by now and a cozy life in the suburbs.
Am I destined to a single life forever? Am I worthy of a big love?”
The last straw
When Katrina leafs her journal she lands on this entry of her most recent breakup:
While grieving or letting go of the past, I have to be responsible to myself. I was wrapped up in a situation where I was a rebound. He claimed he was over his ex when he wasn’t. I felt used for months before he left me for his former partner (who was cheating on him).
Although he is irresponsible and disrespectful towards me, it greatly hurt me. To think I was some middle person makes me nauseated. It’s clear that desperation clouded my judgement and left me broken. I can’t let this happen again.
Katrina’s emotional barometer fluctuates from desperation and lonely to confident and independent. She tires of these unpredictable ups and downs. She wants a strategy for finding love right now, but what is it? Does she have what it takes to love and be loved?
“It doesn’t matter who hurt you, or broke you down. What matters is who made you smile again.
Thanks to a friend Katrina starts Wellness Coaching to create a new definition of relationship. At the first session Katrina receives a teaching on the energy system. Inside the physical body there are seven energy centers, also known as Chakras.
Each energy system has a distinct purpose. Energy that is in a healthy state circulates in a clockwise direction. Energy that is stuck, confused or drained rotates in a counterclockwise direction or doesn’t move at all. Coach checks Katrina’s energy centers and gathers some interesting information:
Here’s how Coach interprets these findings:
“Katrina has been walking on jello instead of solid ground. This state of imbalance has shut down her ability to be creative, find love and feel connected to her Divine Self.
Her perceived lack (no relationship) makes her feel disempowered, unworthy and unlovable. Since she doesn’t tap into her curiosity or intuition, Katrina doesn’t believe she will have the opportunity to express love.”
Love gets another chance
As Katrina and Coach take a closer look at her energetic results, they prioritize how she can move forward when it comes to loving another. Katrina checks in with her inner voice and determines that she needs to ground herself in a clear and solid explanation of love.
“To me love means trust, respect, passion, fun and laughter. These values are non-negotiable.”
To anchor this new definition, Katrina has to say these words out loud and with confidence every day. By declaring her new version of love Katrina exercises her voice and ability to express what matters most to her.
A few weeks later Katrina reports she feels stronger and more stable. She is ready for the next challenge. Again she checks in with her intuition for guidance. It is time to bring good energy into her creative and love centers. Coach and Katrina brainstorm possible outlets for creativity.
“At work I’ve been invited to setup a ‘No Stress Zone’. We get a budget to purchase food and games or hire people who can help us find calm. I think it would be fun to come up with stress-free outlets with my co-workers. The decline for joining the committee is in two days. I’m going to put my name on the list and see what happens.”
Another idea pops into Katrina’s heart. “You know I’ve always wanted a pet. As a child pets were considered dirty and a nuisance. I don’t want to think this way anymore. I’ll do some research and talk to my girlfriends about their experiences with animals before making a final decision.”
In the meantime Katrina tackles the disorganized bedroom. She notices there is no room for love in this space. Her best friend comes over and they talk about what items need to stay in the bedroom based on Katrina’s definition of love. She wants a space that generates trust, respect, passion, fun and laughter.
With each passing day Katrina’s energy feels lighter and higher. She relies on her intuition to get her through the moments she slides back into the past and thinks about Marcus (fantasy). When the thoughts of being unlovable show up, Katrina calls a friend and engages in a conversation about her definition of love.
Now that Katrina’s energy is aligned with a coherent love signal, she is ready to explore relationship. Her first attempt is to use a dating app. With Coach, Katrina composes her profile description and uses a recent photo that shows off her self-assured and playful smile.
Once she hits the submit button on the dating app, she says her love definition out loud and blesses her journey to love again.